Comedy ImagineOgrams from Radiance Solutions


This is our first COMEDY set of ImagineOgrams

 
Wang Jo Rosh says that “you should never
tie knots in your shoelaces in case you can’t undo them
again and you’ll have to wear your shoes in bed”.

“It is a well-known fact” said Dalai Alpaca
“that many people, including Wang Jo Rosh,
have tried and failed to relax enough in bed
with their shoes still on to actually fall asleep.”

The Querulous Inquirer pointed out that
“The consideration of how one might take a bath with
one’s shoes on seems to be being overlooked.”

Dalai Alpaca says that
"Soup can be incredibly dangerous when hot"

The Laughing Giraffe says that
"It’s okay to wear scarves, especially if you have a cold."
She needs quite a few due to her long neck.
Any donations?

The Quirkey Turkeys would like to point out that :

The saying “that’s quite another kettle of fish”
has always been misrepresented and should actually be
“that’s quite another saucepan full of lobsters”

Dalai Alpaca says:
"They wanted to make a cheaper version for the masses."

Salvadore Dalai says that
"All spoons should be orange, including soup spoons"

Baby Salvadore asked
"Does that even apply to little baby sized teaspoons?
Only I'd prefer to eat my porridge with blue spoons please."


“Go piss in the wind” turns out to be crap advice, especially if you’re stupid enough to piss in the wrong direction.”
Dalai Alpaca says: That’s probably what gave rise to the saying in the first place.

“Three sheets to the wind” is pretty hard to do, coz you haven’t got enough arms, even if you enlist a few friends, and it’s even harder if you’re pissed.”
Dalai Alpaca says: That’s probably what gave rise to the saying in the first place.


Seeds of Confusion says :
Men who live in trees should not ignore bees.
Bees are very useful.
The Querulous Inquirer asks :
Has anyone found a reason for wasps yet?
AMBIGUO ADS
Would you like to adopt a persona?
Only 50p to register.
Costs of maintenance negligible.

The Snurt says
"I can't seem to
get other people's
points of view
at all, they seem
all upside down
to me."
Salvadore Dalai said
"I know what you mean -
everything looks back to front to me
and often twisted or falling out of shape too."
Djindji the Genius Genie
says that
bananas are better eaten inside out.

The Unraisonable Commentator Reports that :
You have to fight your way through the hexadwarfages in here to jump through corners  into the next room, where things that you want to know about are happening.

Misdemedia Announcements :
Blah blah fishpaste had another facelift today but will appear as usual tomorrow reading the news on “What’s it got to do with you anyway?”
Mr Snodgrass meantime has sewn up his leaky underwear and will be able to present the weather as usual tonight.
Whether the weather ever presents or even represents him is another matter.


Astonished Announcer :

A Bigfoot came down from the mountains and raided our son’s furry animal toy box.  When questioned he said that he was looking for his other foot.  Would any kindly grandmothers out there like to offer to knit him one?

A Big Knee was seen yesterday stepping out of a flying saucer.  It seems he wanted to trade it in for a dinner plate.  His hair was standing up on end with frustration by 6 o’clock when all he had found by that time was a porridge bowl, with a little bear still attached to it.  He said he would be quite happy to adopt the little bear and take it with him to Vesuvimus, but he really must insist on a decent sized plate in order to get there.


Chris, my husband, says he was made to fly flying saucers when he grows up,
but he hasn’t learnt to fly teacups yet, even ones without storms in them.
My dad has been flying teacups for years, but my mum only sometimes manages to catch them.
My mum used to be pretty fearsome with flyswatters but I haven’t observed this phenomenon
for years now, maybe because I don’t live with them anymore.
We get on like a house on fire these days, maybe that’s also coz I don’t live with them anymore.
They live on an island in the Atlantic, right next to the sea, so whenever the house catches fire
they can spray it quickly with seawater to put the flames out.
Oops, Chris has taken off but crashed straight into the ceiling,
possibly because he used the incense dish instead of a saucer.
I bet he’s feeling pretty incensed at having made a hole in the ceiling.
Never mind, the rain will stop our house catching on fire either.


Two members of the Cow ImaginOgram group
have commented that this page is udderly ridiculous.

MONK NEWS
It is reported that a bare faced liar was able to break his habit by wearing it backwards.
He said that the back of his head tended to feel rather cold and vulnerable though
especially as it couldn’t see where he was going. 
He was hoping to get better at this with practice
but it was getting so expensive replacing all the broken habits
that he needed a sponsor.  Any offers?
MONKEY BUSINESS TIMES FINANCIAL
Today we have the results of last weeks banana slanging boardroom episode.
It seems that company Gazoot and Cringe have lost 2 lawyers in the far upper reaches
of Bungeestan due to the erroneous directions sent by Broot and Clunk, who were being
held unanimously liable, and had agreed to pay 400 bananas in compensation, 
The trouble is that things got a bit hot handed and the bananas were flung around the room
by all parties, staining the floor, walls, and even the ceiling a disgusting yellow.
They have now been asked to increase their payment but make it in crates
of seafood this time.  We suggest that anyone attending wear overalls
and expect things to end in a stink.
The Goofer Snurt asked
“Why is there so much shit in the world?

The Quirkey Turkeys replied that
“It is because of incontinental drift”.
The Querulous Inquirer
wants to know whether a unanimouse
is the same size as other mice.

We think it might be a little bit bigger
as it has to stand the weight of everybody at once.

Misdemedia reports that

there is one space being who still has the biggest regret of them all.
Though told many times not to interfere with humans, he couldn’t resist helping
the poor guy who was shivering and hungry in his cave
by showing him how to rub two sticks together in a bit of dry straw, could he,
and now look how they’ve burnt everything up!

  He knows nobody saw him when he tiptoed out of the spaceship, or heard him
whisper.  He even knows that the guy never broke his promise not to tell,
but it’s pretty obvious really, and he can hardly live with the guilt.

Still, it’s gotta be nothing compared to how the one who came up with
the idea of humans in the first place must feel.  And how about the one
who came up with the idea of push-me-pull-yous.
I mean they couldn’t even have sex so they didn’t last long did they.

Haw, haw – he feels a bit better now.


Not your everyday Nature Notes

Once upon a time when the Zorantics were up to their antics, and the kings were all up to their kinks, there was born a young toad (well he couldn’t be old, could he), who was told that he should always be careful not to explode, especially in the faces of passers-by.  Trouble is when Guy Fawkes night comes around, the toads get so excited by the very idea of politics and anarchy and revolution, that they just can’t help themselves.  You can hear them going of for weeks around that time of year all over the country.  Sometimes they squirt kids too, with little bits of colour from their skins, so they grow up never quite forgetting either the explosions or the stuff about Guy Fawkes, but they never understand why the two go together because toads can’t talk, at least not to humans.

We know that the lesser purple spotted yellow bellied twerp is somewhere in these woods and we’re going to hang about all night with torches to see if we can catch a glimpse of it.  We’re pretty sure it made off with Dad’s sunglasses and will try to remain in hiding until all the fuss dies down, although we hope we may tempt it out with some cans of baked beans and sausages.  We think its motive for the theft was to try to disguise itself from its wife, who has become somewhat fat and loud in her maturity and is no longer the sweet company she used to be, but we are unable to verify that without asking him.

The cat has caught my sense of humour.
After months of not wanting to play at all
anymore with his sister, he’s suddenly come out
of his shell, even though he’s not quite tortoise-shell,
just white and ginger.
All the cows have come home to lay golden eggs at once.

The day of the cabbages, now that the triffids have gone.

And tomorrow is the day of the groundhog - at last.

Mrs Owl : “How Now Brown Cow”
Mr Owl : “I’m not a Cow! Wtf have you been eating?
Mrs Owl : “GM mice n rats – that’s where it’s at these days.
Get your dose right here smartface.”

Dalai Alpaca says that
"We ought to be on the lookout for zigzags
They are incredibly useful things,
but people keep stealing them
and hiding them under mountains,
where they can fit in unnoticed
because of all the peaks and valleys.

The farmyard fish have much wisdom to impart -
we just have to tickle it out of them -

- the jellyfish might have somethng useful to say too
instead of just "Wobble wobble to you."....
... so might all the other wonderful sea cretures

- spiders against capitalism -

The glutinous framed turbo-frogs are chasing all the hexadwarfiges
that have been hiding under those corners for so long. 
Now might be the chance to jump through into another version of yourself.


Once up, three down.  Once down, three up.
So whichever way you start you end up tripling time every jump,
until you’re going fast enough to switch time zones.


Infinite diagonal concurrence has occurred at the precise point in the universe
that will cause mimetic spongling to be transmitted to all sectors,
and I’m afraid that your porridge is bound to become affected,
in fact it might become quite irrational. 
Your baked beans will have to be re-scaped after the event
by the slack-jawed architects themselves.


You can play umbilical bingo
between spaceships on the war to Vesuvimus. 
Just be careful your elastic straps don’t pull you inside out.
You know that the umbilicus can suddenly do this if under too much pressure.



As for tunnelling to the centre of the earth, we have just the service for you.

 

What's the point of not having fun in life?
Do come and see our anecdotages next
(they include reader provocation)
or our tea drinking society page
for more Wisdumb & Twit

 
MOON DANCER DANCING GARDENER
from our Back to The Garden website
including community sustainability
and global meditation link-ups
SUN DANCER
Thou shalt wear trousers, but they shall fall half down to teach humility over arrogance.


Back to our ImagineOgrams opening page
(more inspirational imagineOgrams pages coming soon)

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Do come and see our
anecdotages next
(they include reader provocation)
or our tea drinking society page
for more Wisdumb & Twit

Other Radiance-Solutions Pages:

Some relevant Articles:

Breathing to Balance Earth Grounding and Universal Source Connection

How we can feel peaceful and empowered enough to deal with anything
-
or How to Feel Great -

The One arises through the Many, and the Many arise throug the One

Spiritual Coaching TOP TIPS (PDF)

Lighter than this, Freer than this (PDF)

SEE MORE ARTICLES



More about Julia
based in Dorking, Surrey but offering help and support nationally via phone and email

julia@radiance-solutions.co.uk

07955-210252 / 01306-500425 / 07707-200494

"Wherever you are is the entry point." - Kabir



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