Article Six -
Absolution from Absolutes -
and the Cycle of Change
by Julia Woodman
If you would like to download a PDF of this article to save on your computer to read later
or send to a friend, then please click here. There are also buttons to share the page below.
There are no absolutes in the world, not really, so dont expect too much from yourself, anyone else, or anything but please dont get cynical or judgemental either.
Just keep trying to be who you want to be but dont be uptight about it try to relax into it. Be ready to forgive yourself and others for not being perfect just try to view mistakes or unexpected events as an opportunity to learn.
You can ask yourself and others to do things, or behave in certain ways, and you may plan as clearly and carefully as possible, but we can all only do our best as fallible human beings, each with our own limited knowledge and experience. So life tends to be full of setbacks and misunderstandings, but we can ultimately overcome these.
Dont worry about it - as worry is just a waste of energy. Just quietly develop your plans. Choose to take the power into your own hands and choose who or what it is you want to be or do - and plan how to achieve it.
A life coach can help to advise you, but he or she is just there to help you make realistic and achievable goals that work for you and what you wish to achieve - the ultimate responsibility still lies with yourself. They help you plan in measurable and timely steps or stages - along with planning for the necessary support, rewards, etc, and they can also help with advice such as how to discuss things with others.
If you are not sure what you want, then a good coach can also help you work this out. Try listing possibilities, and scoring them according to how you feel about each. Dont be blocked by how difficult anything might seem, just be guided by how interested you are in doing it. If needed, a coach (or counsellor) can also chat with you to tease out what you think any issues might be and help look at them with a different perspective.
You also have the power to help others plan their achievements see the positives in them and try to express gladness to encourage them with their progress. This might apply to a friend, or even to a person doing some work for you. Your support can make it easier for them to get results. If you greet a workman by telling him you are impressed with his timing, for example, and offering him a hot drink, then he will be inclined to work well for you, and you will both be pleased.
True friends (hopefully including your close family) are people who help their friends to be who they truly are, and will remind them if they deviate from that or act out of character. They will also support them in their efforts to achieve any change or goals, so they would for example not smoke in front of them if they are in the process of giving up, or not insist on buying them a drink if they are driving, and they would understand and give them space if they needed to study for example instead of going out with them quite so often. Someone might even offer to take on a task such as babysitting to enable you to do what you need to do.
Dont be afraid to ask people to listen to your point of view, or to consider your needs and feelings. If you are able to explain then there is every chance they will be helpful.
If you have a particular thing you wish to discuss, it is best to ask to set some time aside for this rather than just randomly try to throw it into a conversation.
Dont be afraid to try new things say yes if an interesting opportunity arises and then take the time to plan. Anyone can learn new skills, reach new targets, or have an adventure, if they are prepared to try.
Change could be in any area including: communication, habits or patterns of behaviour, financial or economical, career or work-life balance, a move, relationships, fitness, health, taking up a hobby, further study, etc.
Live on Purpose. Change is natural, there is no need to fear it, just give yourself the tools to enable the change to happen as you would wish it.
Dont be tempted to give up if there is a setback or relapse the cycle of change allows for this the thing is to recognise this for what it is and just get back on the wheel.
You need to be aware that it is normal to start going well, with all the initial motivation kicking in, and then you may get a bit disheartened when you run out of initial puff, so this is the time to really be prepared have something else in place to see you through this tough stage like a friend to come round and help out or just chat, or go out for a meal, or take a break (such as a weekend away) to renew yourself and build up more energy, or search for new inspiration. You could even do something nice for someone else to help boost your self esteem.
Dont allow yourself to keep flopping out in the same place - you must figure out how to get past each stage, and you will be rewarded with your own delicious sense of success.
by Julia Woodman
Links to other articles